I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize