i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
