new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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