I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
