no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
