The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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