It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
and she was petting her beer can
I am midnight drunk by noon
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
