this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
