Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
did i walk over a car last night?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
