I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
