the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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