And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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