I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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