Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
