bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
