Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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