im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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