I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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