nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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