and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
