also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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