What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
