Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize