I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
