My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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