I'm sorry my penis didn't work
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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