none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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