I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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