I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
