He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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