Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
