yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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