i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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