That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
