my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can't turn off my feet"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
