I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
