you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize