i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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