just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
