Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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