we have pet lesbian snakes
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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