the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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