he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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