remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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