I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just found puke in my bra..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
