the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
