A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
