If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
