That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
