i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
