u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
