We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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