Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
