The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Congratulations! We have a period
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