I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
