their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
