Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
