I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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