How'd it feel making her break her religion?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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