she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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