i permit you to call me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
FUCK WHALES
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
