So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
