They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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