Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Less talking, more tequila
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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