You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
