I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
