My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
