On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
