Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
In America we eat man semen.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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