I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
