So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How does it feel to date your dad?
I touched a dick in church today
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Someone signed my nipple.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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