Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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