Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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