Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
