i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
