do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
