you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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