I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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