she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
