i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just googled if crying burns calories
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
