ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize