I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
