His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
