i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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