We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
