I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
