just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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