i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Even my vagina gasped.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
