stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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