he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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